Your Obedient Serpent (athelind) wrote,
Your Obedient Serpent

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The Hoard Potato: Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem.

quelonzia and I just watched Alien vs. Predator: Requiem -- an Alien movie so lame they couldn't even get Lance Henriksen for it. The first AVP may have come off as a video game on film, but at least that gave it some semblance of ACTION and PACING.

Requiem is the product of people who think that if a few dark, shadowy scenes give a movie a creepy, scary atmosphere, than a whole movie set in the dark must be even scarier!

Instead, you just can't tell what's going on most of the time -- but it's okay, because early on, you realize you don't really care.

Mashing together Aliens, Predators, and every '50s Small Town Beset By Monsters move ever isn't enough to satisfy your hankerin' for cliches? Wait, there's more!

  • Let's add an abbreviated version of the Dead Teenager Movie Cast: Everyman Outcast, Promiscuous Blonde, Bullying Jock -- and give'em the usual fates their stereotypes demand. (Yes, spoiler, big whoop.) Apparently, even mindless acid-blooded aliens follow the Jason Voorhees Moral Code.
  • We've also got the Ex-Con Just Out Of Prison Who's Friends With The Sheriff. Their first conversation made me check the DVD case to make sure we weren't watching Grindhouse: Planet Terror again.
  • And, finally, the Gratuitous Line Lifted From Another, Better Movie that makes you wish you were watching that other, better movie instead: "Turn back! It's a trap!"

They could get Uwe Boll to make the next one, and it would still be a step up.

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