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20 September 2008 @ 08:34 am
Raaar. RAAAAAAR!!  
So.

Because of a progression of shipping-related Coyote Moments at work, I wound up both opening and closing the store, racking up a 10 1/2 hour workday (plus an hour of lunch).

When I finally got home, I found myself in the dread condition of Too Exhausted To Sleep, but finally managed to conk out some time after midnight.

This morning, some time between 0600 and 0615, the grandspawn's alarm went off.

Note that the grandspawn is down in Los Angeles for the weekend.

Note further that his alarm not only never goes off on the weekend, but usually doesn't go off during the week.

Your Obedient Serpent is enough of an asshole to go out, find the cheapest, loudest alarm clock he can, and hide it somewhere in the kid's room next Saturday morning.

Suggestions and recommendations are welcome. The louder the better.
 
 
I feel: aggravatedRAAAAAAR
 
 
 
leonard_arlotteleonard_arlotte on September 20th, 2008 05:50 pm (UTC)
They probably have a Big Ben wind up clock at your local soulless mega-department store. It uses an old fashioned bell as its alarm.

Drawbacks: It winds up, so will only run for about 24 hours. It makes a tick tick tick noise, so it's not stealthy before it goes off. The alarm only runs for a short time before it runs out of its own spring.

Advantages: No power cord, so it's more hidable. It's good and loud. It's cheap (5-10 bux)
Wywy on September 20th, 2008 06:39 pm (UTC)
Dude, I've been having 16 hour days all week.
Your Obedient Serpent: facepalmathelind on September 20th, 2008 07:52 pm (UTC)
Yes, but:

a) You're in the Coast Guard, and EXPECT such things.
b) HALF MY AGE.

Whippersnapper.

Besides, the main offense was getting awakened on my one day to sleep in, when I really NEEDED to sleep in.

Because once I'm up, I'm UP.
Arcaton: avatarr_caton on September 20th, 2008 07:40 pm (UTC)
I use a timeswitch and an old ghettoblaster. Tape's no good, I have it set to BBC Radio 2.
5.30 ack emma...Radio comes on
Shortly after that my BATTERY external bell alarm goes off and needs manual cancelling. I call this the division bell....
6.00... I vaguely hear the News then I hear Sarah Kennedy's voice.
And at 10 past Kennedy I'm up, oats in the micro, kettle o the boil, upstairs to "ease springs"
6.30 the teas a brewing and my oats augmented with meusli and greek yoghurt and honey if I can squeeze it out
by 7.00 I need to be washing
by 7.30 I'm dressed, the cats bowl is loaded and I'm off out...
and I still get to work 8.50 - 9.10 depending on the traffic.....
sorry, digressed....
leonard_arlotteleonard_arlotte on September 20th, 2008 08:38 pm (UTC)
Another possibility would be a small travel alarm. Battery powered, and runs relatively silently. Don't know if it's loud enough

To build on the earlier suggestion, you could get a timer for christmas lights, plug a radio/cd player/mp3 into it and have it cranked up to max. Maybe hide full sized stereo speakers under his bed and crank up Ride of the Valkyries to get him going on Saturday morning
Christopher Bradleycpxbrex on September 21st, 2008 06:52 am (UTC)
This one is the winner, I think. ;)
Hafochafoc on September 20th, 2008 10:31 pm (UTC)
You don't want a wind-up, because wind-ups wind DOWN.

There's something delightful in the idea of setting a CD player, clock radio, etc. to whatever music he hates most- Sinatra comes to mind- and having it come on at full blast. Unless you could find such a device at a yard sale this would get into too much money.

I wonder if there is an alarm clock program you could set going on his computer. If he has one, and if he's not in the habit of turning it off at night. And if it has REALLY LOUD speakers.

Other than that, I would guess the best option would be any of a wide variety of cheap battery-operated analog quartz alarm clocks. See if you can't find one that is cheap and loud! But here is where you get really nasty:

Glue it shut.

Glue the battery compartment shut. Cut off the setting knobs and of course the one that turns the alarm off, and seal the holes with glue, caulking, putty, something. If the clock is made of the usual styrene plastic, what you want is the kind of glue they use to assemble plastic airplane/ car/ ship kits, Testors model cement. But Super Glue will work. Just watch out, if you use it on styrene it puts out some nasty fumes.

Then you duct-tape, glue, or screw the clock to the back side of the headboard of his bed. Being careful not to do so in a way that would muffle it at all, of course.
A.R.M.: cartoon diarieskinkyturtle on September 20th, 2008 10:35 pm (UTC)
Helvetica 'Foofers' Boldfoofers on September 24th, 2008 06:29 pm (UTC)
Unrelated tangent, post of possible interest, jobs likely matching your skill set. Phat paychecks.