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13 November 2009 @ 05:01 pm
Coyote Loves Me, but don't take His name in vain.  
If you follow this journal, you know that October has been a long succession of disasters for Your Obedient Serpent. Many of them were car-related, and, of course, the climactic one, the destruction of my car on Halloween morning, was the proverbial bolt from the blue, the quintessential smite of angry divinity, if your metaphysics lean that way, or cosmic irony, if they lean in the other direction.

It's enough to prompt even the aggiest agnostic to wonder, "Why me? Who did I piss off?"

Well, I have a confession to make.

On September 15th, 2009, Jessica Simpson's dog was snatched by a coyote.

This was a minor news item, but one that prompted some small degree of amusement -- in part because so much of the "action" happened on Twitter.

We found one line in particular amusing:

Simpson, 29, has offered a reward to anyone who can reunite her with her 5-year-old, caramel-colored dog.

Quoth halfelf: "It's like she's expecting a ransom note from the coyotes, or something."

One thing led to another, and, before the hour was out, "CoyoteLuvsU" had a Twitter account, and had posted the following:

@JessicaSimpson WE hAVE YouR TAsTY tASTy DoG. DElIVeR 100 bOnz + 1 roDe RUnnEr To THE olD TRee In THE MeADoW. CoME alOnE, NO AnImAL CoNTRoL.

Today, on the phone with my mother, I mentioned this gag. Being no great fan of either Twitter nor Ms. Simpson, she found it uproarious -- but then stopped, and asked, "So, when did you do this?"

"September 15th", I answered.

"Aha!" she said, wise in the ways of Old Man Coyote. "That's when your trouble started. You took His name in vain."

My mother has a wonderful Ominous Prophecy Voice, and it has only improved with age.

I confess, the logic is inescapable. Indeed, at the time, I said, "I am so asking for trouble by doing this."

Friday the 13th seems the ideal time to Confess and Repent one's sins before the Trickster.

Coyote, forgive me! I have taken Your name in vain,
and trespassed upon a Gag that was rightfully Yours!
The forces of Cosmic Irony have weighed heavily upon me,
and more heavily still upon my late, lamented Grape,
who has suffered in my stead. I repent of my sin,
and my hubris in attempting to leech your Yuks!

You know, when I first came into possession of that Little Purple Car, I asked the opinion of a former Aspire owner, who had rolled his on Interstate 5 a year or two before, and come out unscathed. He said, "They may not look like much, but they'll give their lives for you."

Indeed, sir. Indeed.

I feel: ditzychastened
leonard_arlotteleonard_arlotte on November 14th, 2009 01:11 am (UTC)
Yea, verily, yea.
Curious Coonhalfelf on November 14th, 2009 04:27 am (UTC)
Wow. Yeah, I suppose that's true. I didn't even *think* about that. I apologize for being involved!
Your Obedient Serpent: coyote laughsathelind on November 14th, 2009 05:57 am (UTC)
You know, I almost didn't mention you by name, lest you find yourself subject to unwanted and unwarranted attention.

Then I shrugged and figured, He already knows.
Pakapaka on November 14th, 2009 05:41 am (UTC)
Leave smokes and small bits of chicken!
Arcaton: boneyr_caton on November 14th, 2009 10:56 am (UTC)
Jessica had a Malipoo? Sounds more like an urban dog's residue than an urban dog.....
ArchTeryxarchteryx on November 14th, 2009 11:44 am (UTC)
Hmmm. Maybe next time you'll sacrifice a yapdog or two to His name. ;>
Christopher Bradleycpxbrex on November 15th, 2009 06:40 pm (UTC)
Given the manifest perversity of Coyote, you could just be wearing copper armor on a mountaintop in a lightning storm. ;)

On the other hand, Chuck Jones lived to be an old man, hehe. There's hope, yet, for you. :)
Your Obedient Serpentathelind on November 15th, 2009 07:49 pm (UTC)
Oh, I suspect that I'm fated to live a long, long time.
Christopher Bradleycpxbrex on November 15th, 2009 07:51 pm (UTC)
LOL. I don't remember you being so cynical. ;)
Your Obedient Serpent: GRINathelind on November 17th, 2009 06:00 am (UTC)
Hey, I got something out of living with you for a year!

Christopher Bradleycpxbrex on November 17th, 2009 06:03 am (UTC)
Oh, man, mega-harsh, hehe.

Todd, whom I've seen pretty recently, actually said I'm a lot less cynical than I used to be, hehe. You probably disagree because you mostly talk to me through LJ, which is an inherently cynical medium, I submit. I am a philosophical optimist! :)
Your Obedient Serpent: coyote laughsathelind on November 17th, 2009 06:18 am (UTC)
Nah, you've definitely mellowed over the years.

Me? I've always had a bit of an affection for Murphy's Law, which later grew into the idea that "Coyote Loves Me."

It wasn't until the 2004 election that I really embraced the philosophy that life is, in fact, slapstick.
Christopher Bradleycpxbrex on November 17th, 2009 06:26 am (UTC)
I can't disagree entirely, of course, because I'm also not an idiot. I just find that exploding boxes are less funny when the character can't shake their head and be back to normal. Drop an anvil on Daffy Duck and it's slapstick. Drop a thousand pound bomb on a funeral and you've in the theater of the absurd . . . which is quite similar to slapstick, come to think of it.
Your Obedient Serpent: doomsday clockathelind on November 17th, 2009 07:23 am (UTC)
"Hey... I never said it was a good joke! I'm just playin' along with the gag..."
-- Eddie "The Comedian" Blake, Watchmen